43: What does it mean when someone strokes their neck?

Have you seen someone stroke their neck or even their chest and wondered what it means? Joe Navarro tells us all about pacifying behaviors in his book, what everybody is saying.

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welcome to the bite sized sales podcast where we believe that sales is the most important team and a B2B company, that the sales team deserves great sales skills training but usually doesn't get it. And that taking bite-size steps each day to get better at your craft is the best way to improve results. I am your host, Andrew Monahan , and I'm using my experiences in B2B sales to bring you simple, actionable ideas every day to help you get better.

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welcome to episode 43 of the bite size sales podcast. I'm recording this in middle of December, 2019 for those of that you are up to date on the episodes, we're now into the final stretch of the year of the quarter depending on what calendar you're on. So, I don't know about you, but I've sat in on sales meetings , um , sales calls , uh , in person ones and be able to see some pretty obvious signs, nonverbal communication signs, right? I can tell when someone's engaged, I can tell when someone's excited, you can tell when someone's bored out of their mind, distracted, right? There's obvious things you just kind of look at and you can sense where people are at. But there's also a whole bunch of things that happen. People act a certain way that I don't really know what it means, right? Without being be an expert in , in nonverbal communications. And some of it's you , you kind of let it wash over you and you ignore some of it. She , you might think you, you've got an urban myth, could have knowledge about what's, what that means or what it doesn't mean in his book. Uh, what everybody is saying, Joe Navarro writes about what he calls pacifying behaviors and Joe is an ex FBI agent and written a whole book about nonverbal communications. And I want to read one bit odd about this. So reading straight from the book. As you study nonverbal behavior, you will discovered that whenever there's a limbic response, it will be followed by why call pacifying behaviors. These actions often refer to the literature as adapters serve to calm us down after we experienced something unpleasant or downright nasty in its attempt to restore itself to normal conditions, the brain enlist the body to provide comforting behaviors. Since these are outward signals that can be read in real time, we can observe and decode them immediately and in context. Neck touching and or is one of the most significant and frequent pacifying behaviors we use in responding to stress. One person may rub or massage the back of his neck , his fingers, another may stroke the sides of his neck or just under the chin above the Adam's Apple tugging into the fleshy area of the neck. This area is rich with nerve endings that when stroked , reduce blood pressure, lower the heart rate and calm the individual down . Over the decades that I've studied nonverbal behaviors, I've observed that there are gender differences in the way men and women use the neck to pacify themselves. Typically men are more robust in their pacifying behaviors, drafting or cupping their necks just beneath the chin with their hands, thereby stimulating the nerves of the neck, which in turns to the heart rate down and have a calming effect. Sometimes men will stroke the sides or the back of the neck with their fingers or adjust their tie naught or shirt color. Women pacify differently. For example, when women pacify using the neck, they will sometimes touch, twist, or otherwise manipulate a necklace if they're wearing one. The other way, women neck pacify is by covering their suprasternal notch with their hand, which is the space above the shoulder blade and below the neck. Woman touch their hands to this part of their neck and or cover it when they feel stressed, insecure, threatened, fearful, uncomfortable, or anxious. Interestingly, when a movement is pregnant, I've observed their handle initially moved water neck, but the last moment will divert to her belly as if to cover the fetus. Watch a couple as they converse at a table in a restaurant or a cafe. If the woman begins to play with their necklace, most likely she's a little nervous, but as she transitions her fingers to her neck dimple, chances are there is an issue of concern to her as she feels very insecure in most instances. If she's using her right hand on her neck dimple or super sternal notch, she will cut her right elbow with her left hand. When the stressful situation is over or there's an intermission in the uncomfortable part of the discussion, her right hand will lower and relax across her folded left arm. If the situation again becomes tense, her right hand will arise once again to the super sternal notch. From a distance, the our movement looks like the needle and a stress meter moving, arresting on the arm to the neck, upright and back again according to the level of stress experienced. So there you have it reading straight from the book. So when these things happen, it's a sign that people are stressed and is there a way of comforting themselves. I love that story about being in the cafe of the restroom. Watchings , you know, a couple or people interact with each other and seeing that movement up the neck or the or the notch and seeing how they handle things. And one of the things I like about it is it's so easy to practice this, you know, you can't easily just become observed someone who observes everything really easily. So going to practice it in the real world, but maybe in your personal life or even in business life in the office is a great way to get good at reading these things before you use it in front of from the prospects of customers. So that's my action for you. If you're fascinated by this whole topic, go and observe people in restaurants and cafes and see if they're touching their necks and your judge the level of conversation, the type of conversation that's happening as you're looking at these hand gestures as they're touching their neck or their notch.

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The episode is sponsored by unstoppable dot du . Most sales teams are not trained effectively the skills and mindset they deserve, and these are the most important people in the company. It's no wonder that only about 50% of reps make quarter every year. Unstoppable is a service that helps sellers and leaders get great at the skills and mindset they need without taking time out of the field. It exists because if the sales team has the right skills and mindset, they thrive, they're confident,

and you performed much better, find out more and even get a free sales book@bitesizesales.com

now , to wrap up as Dave shepherd, VP of Asia Pacific in Japan at big glass may or may not have one set training without implementation is just entertainment and preparer entertainment when Monaghan does it. So make sure you take action on what you learn and keep getting better every day. This world does not need more sales BS, so don't create anymore . Be great at the fundamentals. Be honest, be real. Be yourself. Just do not BS . And finally, I'm setting off as the great Joe Sexton would by saying, gone to sell

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