41: How to be in synch when negotiating

This simple mirroring tip will pay off for you in negotiations, so says Chris boss and never split the difference.

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welcome to the bite size sales podcast where we believe that sales is the most important team and a B2B company that the sales team deserves great sales skills training but usually doesn't get it and that taking bite-size steps each day to get better at your craft is the best way to improve results. I am your host Andrew Monahan and I'm using my experiences in B2B sales to bring you simple actionable ideas every day to help you get better.

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welcome to episode 41 of the podcast and this is the fifth in a series of five episodes focused around negotiation, which is great for this time of year as we get to month, quarter, year end for most of us now. I remember in my first sales job I ever took, I was 24 years old and one of the concerns I had was would anyone that I was calling on take me seriously. I was 24 years old. I probably looked more like 21 years old. I didn't really know much about the market I was selling into and I was trying to work with, you know, senior people in these organizations who'd been doing their jobs for 10 or 15 years or longer maybe. And my natural concern was, you know, how would I be taken seriously? How could I really get in and talk to these folks given I really in the general scheme of things, you nothing. My boss at the time gave me some great tips. You know, he talked about, you know , expert positioning, some things I could go learn, get used to talking about some issues, really figure out some great questions to ask. So you get into a conversation and you know how good questions are a great substitute for knowing a bunch of things because it puts the onus on the prospect to talk more. Things like that were great. And one of the things he told me was build great rapport by bill, by doing body language mirroring, right? So what they lean forward, you lean forward if they're scratching their head, you scratch their head, you know, things like that. And it felt a bit hokey honestly at the time. But you know, he was adamant that just by doing that it helped build rapport. It helped them be more on your side, felt like to them you are more like them than perhaps I felt at the time. And again, mirroring is not a new idea. It's been around for a long time and this is not some new trick or whatever. It's just, you know, human nature. Um, no, Chris Voss in his book never split the difference. Takes a step further when he talks about using verbal mirroring. So let me read straight from the book. Never split the difference here. Uh , give you an idea what he's talking about. So mirroring is essentially, imitation is another neuro behavior. Humans and other animals display in which we copy each other to comfort each other. It can be done with speech patterns, body language, vocabulary, tempo and tone of voice is generally an unconscious behavior. We are rarely aware of it when it's happening, but it's a sign that people are bonding in sync and establishing the kind of rapport that leads to trust. It's a phenomenon. And now technique that follows a very basic purpose, but profound biological principle. We fear what's different and are drawn to what's similar. As the saying goes, birds of a feather flock together. Mirroring. Then when practice consciously is the art of insinuating similarity. Trust me, a mirror signals to another's unconscious. You and I, we're alike. Once you're attuned to the dynamic, you'll see it everywhere. Couples walk in the street with their steps in perfect synchrony, friends in conversation at a park both nodding their heads and crossing the legs at about the same time. These people are in a word connected. While mirroring mode is most often associated with forms of nonverbal communication, especially body language. As negotiators, a mirror focuses on the words and nothing else, not the body language, not the accent, not the tone of delivery, just the words. It's almost laughably simple for the FBI. A mirror is when you repeat the last three words or the critical one, two three words of what someone has just said of the entirety of the FBI hostage negotiation skillset. Mirroring is the closest ones gets to a Jedi mind trick. Simple and yet uncannily effective by repeating back what people say, you trigger this mirroring instinct and your kind of part will inevitably elaborate on what was just said and sustain the process of connecting. Psychologist Richard Wiseman created a study using a waiters to identify what was the more effective method of Corinthia connection with strangers mirroring or positive reinforcement, wonderful waiters using positive reinforcement, lavish praise and encouragement and patrons using words such as great. No problem. Sure . In response to each order, the other group of waiters mirrored their customers simply by repeating their orders back to them. The results were stunning. The average tip of the waiters who mirrored with 70% more than those who use positive reinforcement. So that's read straight from the book, never split the difference by Chris FOSS. So the first time I read this I thought it sounds too simple, right? Is it really just like that and frankly, you know, used again and again, it might be a little bit weird. Um, so I tried it, I tried to D tried it at home and my personal life and also tried it with people I talked with on the phone and my business life. And I didn't get one single person looking at me weird or suggesting I was doing something different or weird. And in fact it really just spurred the conversations on even more. So, you know what I would ask you to do is just try it, right? You don't have to change your whole way of selling around this, but just try it and see if you get the same results that I did and what Chris FOSS talks about in the book. But what I do say is before you use it in negotiation or even, you know, in general kind of sales meeting, our sales call practice of first so that it becomes natural for you to do that. You listen for the critical three words that were used, you know, two, three, four words that were used and then mirror them back to the person you're talking to so you get comfortable at it and then get ready to use it in your negotiations and your sales meetings and see what effect it has.

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The episode is sponsored by unstoppable dot du . Most sales teams are not trained effectively in the skills and mindset they deserve and these are the most important people in the company. It's no wonder that only about 50% of reps make quarter every year . Unstoppable is a service that helps sellers and leaders get great at the skills and mindset they need without taking time out of the field. It exists because if the sales team has the right skills and mindset, they thrive. They are confident,

perform much better. Find out more and even get a free sales book@bitesizesales.com

no. To wrap up as Richard Poolman, our VP of sales at 10 IOM may or may not have one sec . Training with our implementation is just entertainment and prepare entertainment when Monaghan does it. So make sure you take action on what you learn and keep getting better every day. This world does not need more sales BS, so don't create anymore . Be great at the fundamentals. Be honest, be real. Be yourself. Just do not be us. And finally, I'm setting off as the great Joe Sexton would by saying, gone to sell

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